Ok so here I am laying in bed watching The Big Bang Theory thinking about the post I made this morning.
Still feel the same, however, I’m trying to think positive and not give up on the hope of love.
I realized many years ago that I am in love with love. How you feel when you love someone and they love you in return. It is an amazing feeling.
I’m terrified that I won’t find it again. I’m terrified of spending my life alone. But I don’t know if I’m more afraid of never being loved or of being hurt again. I honestly feel like I can’t take much more heartache. It already physically hurts that I don’t have anyone to give it to. I have so much to offer but I am not given a chance.
I can count on one hand how many times a guy has flirted with me. Someone I don’t know. I constantly hear stories from my friends about how someone has gone up to them and asked for their number, bought them a drink or randomly done something nice for them. It hasn’t even happened to me 5 times. Not even 3. I get random people who talk to me because I have a calming energy and people feel comfortable but…guys don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t have enough fingers to count how often I get dirty looks from women. Complete strangers. I am not the type to show lots of cleavage or wear shorts so short you can see the pocket lining.
This is when I start to ask myself what’s wrong with me? Why am I broken? But I have to stop myself because that goes down a dangerous road that I have been trying to hard to stay off of.
So now, I go to bed. Excited to be back into my dream world where I don’t have it all, but I at least have love.