Always alone…

I know I made a post earlier about applying to school and what not and how I want to reach out to my two closest friends.

I know how badly I need to talk to someone. I am sure eventually one of them will reach out to me. One I haven’t talked to in over a month, the other…a couple of weeks. I want someone to vent to. To laugh with, to cry with. The friend I talked to more recently, I know would respond to any message I send her.

But every time I think about talking to her, I feel sad. I feel like I would be bothering her. That I am a burden and I should just leave her alone. Then I start beating myself up because I know I’m being stupid and over thinking and to just do it. But then I go back to feeling sad because she’s always in the middle of something. Or always with other people.

Then all this leads to me feeling unwanted. I don’t want myself so why would anyone else? Once again I mentally slap myself because I’m amazing! I have a great personality. I am loyal, genuine and down to earth. But if I’m so great, why doesn’t anyone want me around? If I’m so great, why am I always alone?

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